OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
They took my balls.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Randomize
