barbara walters just said penis...
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
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