Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
And then the night went full on bisexual.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
