This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
Randomize
