went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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