By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Randomize
