I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Randomize
