who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Randomize
