I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Randomize
