We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Randomize
