I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
Randomize
