Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
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