i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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