I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
