My brain says no but my pants say off.
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
Randomize
