talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
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