Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
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