you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
