do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Randomize
