hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
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