we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
