you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Randomize
