Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Randomize
