I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
Brb crying the tears of my youth
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
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