i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
