FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize