We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
