if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
I could fuck to npr.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Randomize