In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
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