guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
