btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
