My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Randomize
