I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
