Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
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