Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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