Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
I just forgot I was standing up.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
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