What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
This toilet bowl is my home.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
Randomize
