i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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