Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
Actions speak louder than pants.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
Randomize
