that's an acceptable place to lick
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
Randomize
