Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
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