nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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