just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
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