hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
Randomize
