Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Randomize
