Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
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