God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
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