You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize