Kareoke will never be a sober sport
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
Randomize
