The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
