is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
