So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
