i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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