Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
