he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
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