Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
