So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
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