I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
This gyro tastes like lonliness
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
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