I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
Randomize
