This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
