Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
