something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
Randomize
