Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Randomize
